Ticket Purgatory…

So, bright and early this morning, I end up on the phone with United Airlines because their computer wouldn’t let me check seating for an upcoming flight. The error message said something like, ‘hahahaha, you fool! We have your money and you are so screwed!’ (Well, it actually simply said, “Error, this flight does not exist,” but I know what it really meant. I’ve seen this tree before.)

“I have a┬áconfirmation number,” I tell the attendant, who annunciates every third word clearly enough for me to almost understand her, and at this point, having been on hold with various people and completely failing to manage to communicate, every third word is a flipping blessing, and I’m scared I might get transferred again.

She looks up the flight and says, “Yes, we have it here.” Or sort of says that. I’m not entirely sure.

“You see it? The reservation?”

“Yes. It is on the computer. Except that it’s not ticketed.”

“It’s on there? But it’s not? Like… it’s invisible?”

“No, I can see it. Except not.”


“Yes. It is not there.”

“But you can see it.”


“So….. invisible?”


“Okay. Well, how do I fix this?”

“It is not there.”

“Did it go somewhere? Off to talk to people who have a clue, maybe?”

“It is behind the scenes.”

“Where would that be, exactly?”

“In moderation.”

“Was it behaving badly?”

“It is messed up.”

“Was it partying with all the other tickets a little too much over the weekend? Drinking heavily? What?”

“It is not here. It is here, but not. Behind the scenes. You can pay to have it here, if you want.”

“But I already paid for it. I think it is having way too much fun without me.”

“You can pay again.”

“Twice the amount for the same ticket?”

“Yes. I mean. No. I mean, yes, if you want me to help.”

“Is this like ticket bail money? Did it mug someone?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Join the club. Is there someone who can get my ticket out of ticket jail so that I can use it?”

“Yes. You can call Travelocity. They can fix it.”

“No they can’t. They sent me to you. They said it was on your end.”

“Because it is here. But not?”


“It is behind the scenes.”

“I know. Invisible. Except not. There, but not. In moderation.”

“Yes! Exactly!”

“It is scary how I am starting to understand this.”

“Good! Have I answered all your questions today?”

“All except for how can I use my ticket if it’s there, but not, invisible, because it’s in moderation.”

“Oh. I see. You want to use the ticket?”

“Call me crazy, but yeah.”

“Oh. Okay. You need a supervisor.”

“I’ve been told that before.”

[two hours later, there is a ticket, which is actually there, not invisible, out of moderation, behaving itself, and not throwing tantrums in the corner… I’m calling this one good enough]

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